Planting Seeds

About a year ago I was elected by my coach to travel to Panama on a UK Athlete Service Trip. Traveling to another country with other fellow athletes for a week free of charge sure sounded good to my ears. Being a golfer though, doesn't really agree with taking a week or more away from the course- especially since I received an exemption to play in my first professional tournament that summer. 

During this part of my life I was as close to the Lord as I have ever been, reading and walking with Him every hour of every day. After I was told about the trip and looking at my summer schedule, I felt overwhelmed about what to do. Should I take a week away from golf and preparation for the professional tournament to serve in another country, or prioritize my game and let this opportunity pass me by? I know what you're thinking, "Is this even a question? Is she crazy?". I took it to the Lord. I prayed and prayed about what He wanted me to do, and where He was calling me. I prayed that I was available to His plan, and that I would follow Him to wherever He called me. My parents had already given me the "good to go" with whatever I felt was best for me. And after much prayer, I knew what my next step was. I went to Panama.

While being there we visited poverty stricken schools, spending time with and loving on the attention seeking children. We traveled to poor neighborhoods, and helped rebuild a house. The people that hosted us were incredible, and their family was sweet, genuine, and generous. One of our nights there they invited us over to their house (which was connected to the building we stayed in). As the coffee was brewing for us, the young couple and their kids began sharing with us their story about how they ended up in Panama. It turns out, they both used to live in the States, went to college here, played collegiate sports, interacted heavily in FCA, and got married. They then felt their calling to begin a ministry in Panama so they too prayed about it, and once they found out their answer, packed up their belongings and moved to another country. After they shared their testimony, they asked us all individually what made us end up coming on the trip. Everyone gave similar answers "My coach nominated me so I came"...that wasn't quite the same for me. I clicked with this couple. I told them (along with everyone else in the room) what really happened- struggle to decide, praying, the tournament, and that I felt called to go on this trip. As the meeting wrapped up and everyone began to leave to go back to our house, I stayed and chatted with the couple. We talked about our faith and I asked them some more questions about their experiences in college and how they ended up here. I then went on to share a little bit of my testimony and how I had rededicated my life to Christ and truly started living for Him. 

After I got back home from the trip and reflected on it, I definitely had a great time there and grew very close with the other athletes that were on it with me. But, I didn't feel as much spiritual movement as I as expecting. Maybe that's because it wasn't a mission trip, but a service trip. Either way, in the back of my mind I had a small question "Why did I feel so called to go on this trip and not get as much out of it as I thought I would?".

Fast forward to this school year (the most stressful year of my life) I was struggling academic wise- resulting in spiritual struggle. Putting too much of my worth into my grades and GPA, I was down on myself most of the year. After a long day of classes or after a long study session for a test I had the next morning that I was in no way confident or ready for, I would usually call my parents or my younger cousins. Hoping for some wisdom and encouragement to keep pushing through, I always found myself asking the same question over and over again- "Why do I need to know all of this stuff? Accounting, calculus, and business? Im not gifted in those areas, God gifted me in connecting with people deeply and wanting to help others. How will accounting help me fill my purpose God set out for me?" I then found myself thinking more and more subconsciously about Panama and being in another country. Without knowing it myself, that trip had planted a small seed in my heart that grew this year and had put thoughts into my head about "Maybe my calling involves missioning, spreading the Word of God in other countries?". I mean, what is the point of my life if I'm not spreading the Word of God, and following His voice and where He calls me? Thats the whole reason I am here- to further the Kingdom of God. 

It says it very clear in Matthew 28:19-20

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Fast forward again to the end of this school year. To this past Wednesday (5-16-18) to be exact. I went to a Bible study hosted by a teammates brother and his wife. It lasted 6 to 9 for me. It was one of the most God-present moments of my life. 

During the first part of the night we all worshipped in their living room- whether that involved singing, raising hands, or praying. I was praying quietly asking the Lord to open my heart ears and eyes and to not miss His movement that night. Out of nowhere in the middle of my thought process, He put Panama on my heart. I haven't thought about it in a while either. But He just popped it in my brain interrupting everything I thought was important. Confused, I wrote it down on my piece of paper "The Lord put Panama and the family on my heart, is their ministry in my future?". And got back to prayer. That was all the thought I spent on Panama until the end of the night. I told no one there that it came to mind, or that I wrote it down. In fact I knew only two people there out of about 15- and only those two even knew I had gone to Panama last year. 

After the Bible study Bitty (the wife who held the study), told me I had to be prayed over by her mother before I left. I said sure, absolutely, and went to meet her mother. We went straight to the back room and got to business. Along with Bitty and her mother (Terry), there were about four other women (who I didn't know at all) standing round me that were there to pray over me. They stood around me in a circle placing their hands on me and Terry got to work. As they all took turns praying, these unfamiliar women were all speaking incredible truths about my life. Things they would have no idea about because I had never talked to them in my life. They prayed about my insecurities, struggles, dreams, and things I had prayed about personally. 

The Holy Spirit was incredibly present, standing right in front of my face, holding my hand, speaking directly to me through these women. I was touched with how humbling and fulfilling it was, quenching my spiritual thirst and reminding me that I am a beloved and beautiful daughter of the Most High King. Set out to perform good deeds on a path that He has already created for me to do.

Ephesians 2:10-

{For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.}

On to the even more incredible part of the story- (and the whole reason on the subject of Panama)- Terry pulled me aside separately after the group prayer. She took my hand in hers and spoke softly but urgently. She told me the Lord revealed to her something about myself. She asked me if I had ever considered missionary work- or doing something in another country. At the hearing of this I was unable to hold down the fort. I threw my head back in awe and said "Yes!". I told her quickly of how I went to Panama last year, and of the note I wrote during worship. She went on to tell me that God gave her an insight of my life and that she deeply believes that missionary will play a role in my future.


After all of this happened, and I left the house and got in my car, I was unable to move or even find words to think. With so many emotions and thoughts running through my head, I was in awe. I felt a strong sense of vulnerability, I felt revealed, and I felt known. All of which were good. I felt at peace that I don't have to know exactly what I'm going to do with my life- as it is not my plan. God knows all. He knows my worries, struggles, insecurities, my dreams, and my deepest thoughts and troubles. All I need to know is that He's aware of all this- that He loves me more than I could ever understand, and that He wants my life to have more purpose and success than I could put in to words. 

Sometimes I think I get too caught up in years down the road, my imagination gets the best of me. I like to plan and think I know where I'm going or what I'm going to do next. That is something the world does- it rushes us and pressures us to "know, know, know". It says "If you don't know what you're doing in four years, you're behind.". But we can't fall into this mind trap because there is no rest offered in it. We would never be at peace. But we can rest on God's promises that hold True. 

Matthew 6:34

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

Matthew 11: 28-30

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."